Deep Pain, Deep Love, Deep Beauty

This Wasn’t Meant To Happen by Ali Harris is the most beautiful book about deep love and raw grief. Where these two meet, there is a pain that never leaves and there is a great love that never diminishes. It is a beautiful book that is grounded in fact as the author had a stillborn baby.

Dealing with this subject matter, one might be forgiven for thinking that this is a depressing read – but far from it. This is a work of great beauty and of great love.

The novel is written in the first person from the point of view of Sofie, and as such, we ‘feel’ her pain and her love. After giving birth to her stillborn son, we read “as I gaze at him, I feel a flood of love far greater, lighter and deeper than the abyss I’m in.” Sofie experiences the deep love that any new mum feels for their new baby.

The reader really invests emotionally in this book. As Sofie leaves hospital, a simple phrase expresses her love and loss. “Having him, holding him, loving him and then leaving him.”

We witness the couple trying to navigate their grief. It is a lonely journey as each travels their unique road alone. There is no getting over death, merely navigating through it.

Family, friends and work colleagues feel awkward. Rather than acknowledging the birth and death, many choose to ignore Sofie, failing to even make eye contact with her. She feels lonelier still. Sofie remarks that she wants to “have someone recognize that I’m here and my baby was here, but he died.” Talking can be therapeutic but many stay silent as no one wants to listen.

One in four pregnancies end in miscarriage. There are so many people out there in pain, and Sofie realises the value of meeting like-minded mums and dads.

Grief throws up many emotions. “The landscape of grief constantly shifts.” The grief journey is a fluid one.

No one is ever the same after an event as before. Even returning to a job that she previously loved, Sofie realises that she in unfulfilled. “I feel like… a shape that once had a purpose, now a crumpled mess.”

This Wasn’t Meant To Happen is a work of great pain, great love and great beauty. Ali Harris has written with sensitivity, giving the reader a small glimpse into what may be needed in order to support a grieving couple – but everyone is an individual with individual needs.

This Wasn’t Meant To Happen was a book that I read that sank deep into my heart and soul. It was very beautiful. I will leave you with a final quote:

“My grief has become rooted in a place where beauty and hope can grow around the pain.”

I received a free copy from the publishers. A favourable review was not required. All opinions are my own.

JULIA WILSON